What to do when someone you love suffers from depression.
When you love or care for someone who suffers from depression or
‘bipolar disorder’, you may find yourself frustrated, angry or losing
your ability to tolerate their behaviour towards yourself, your
children, or other friends and family.
They are usually either TOO over-friendly, hyper-active and mentally
draining for all around.
Or they are so low they don’t even acknowledge those about them.
Either way it’s very frustrating, especially to close family and friends.
Sadly, while great strides have been made to treat these disorders,
the family and friends coping with sufferers often feel hopeless or
discouraged by their attempts to help, as it is almost always thrown
back into our faces with contempt, or disbelief by the sufferer.
If you are living with, or close to someone who is diagnosed, or
appears to be suffering from depression or bi-polar, you’ll find
the following tips beneficial for helping both the ‘individual’ and
’yourself’ from the terrible ‘demonic’ effects of depression.
IDENTIFY SYMPTOMS
If the person you love has not been diagnosed with depression it
is important for you to analyse their behaviour and act on it. If
the person displays symptoms of depression, they may not realise
it on their own. Depression often causes a person to feel like a
failure and they may blame their lack of interest, energy or
ability to show affection as a personal weakness rather than a
medical problem.
Individuals who have ‘bipolar disorder’
frequently assume that bouts of ’manic’
symptoms can simply mean they have
‘high energy’ rather than a problem
that needs attention. Many sufferers
believe this ‘high energy’ is a true gift,
and look forward to it returning when
the ultimate ‘low’ takes back control.
The ‘manic’ state can often turn a
sufferer into an extremely talented,
imaginative individual with ‘more’
than their fair share of ‘drive’ and
determination. Often achieving great
success with whatever they are
focusing on at the time. Sadly, it
doesn’t last, which makes the inevitable crash back to the ‘low’ even more painful
to bear.
It’s this ‘cycle’ of the symptoms that drives the sufferer to behave in
an even ‘more’ irrational way. Either trying to ‘buy’ back that ‘high’
feeling through ‘retail therapy’. Or feeling their world will never be
‘normal’ again, and will seek out ways to commit suicide.
SEEK TREATMENT
If you feel that your loved one is displaying symptoms of
depression, including an inability to show any interest in activities
that they usually enjoyed, sleeping more or less than usual,
unexplained crying, withdrawing from interactions and talk of
suicide, it is CRUCIAL that they seek medical intervention right
away.
If the individual refuses to seek treatment you may need to
enlist the help of others to speak to them, including anyone they
might respond to - friends, teachers, counsellors.
You should definitely ask your own doctor for help if nobody else
can convince them.
If they talk about suicide, call a suicide emergency help line
immediately.
BE SUPPORTIVE
Probably the most important action you can take, aside from
getting the person medical treatment is to remain non-judgmental
and consistently supportive.
The symptoms of depression can vary in intensity, but their affect
on a relationship is ‘always negative’, even when the sufferer is
being over-friendly or over-affectionate.
A depressed person feels unworthy and weak. This self-depreciation
furthers the depression. Losing the ability to work, communicate or
enjoy life will erode relationships, lead to financial problems and
affect intimacy.
It is important to remember this is not the ‘true nature’ or
’feelings’ of the person suffering from depression. A depressed
person may start arguments out of the blue, or tell you they don't
love you.
Do not believe them or take their comments to heart.
Indulging their grievances will only further the depression.
If the person is being treated for their depression, remind them
that treatment will eventually work and remain positive.
Remind them that this is a ‘medical problem’ and that they are not
To blame. Liken it to having a curable heart problem, or curable
kidney/liver condition. That YES they do have a medical condition,
but that it IS curable with patience, belief, and the correct treatment.
Which may, or may NOT be medical intervention.
Don't push them to do more than they are capable of, and never
suggest that they just "pull themselves together", since that will
lead to more feelings of worthlessness and frustration. The very
thing that a ‘sufferer’ almost certainly CANNOT do by the very
nature of the condition, is to “Pull Themselves Together”.
Regularly inviting the person to go for a walk, enjoy a movie or
other outing, (or simply listening to them talk) can help when the
person feels up to, or able, to do these activities.
KEEP PERSPECTIVE
If you have been through several bouts of depression with the one
you love or care for, remember the episode will eventually end.
If you are having trouble keeping perspective, you might seek out
a support group for friends and family of those suffering from
depression to help you feel connected to others dealing with
similar situations.
Find a ‘confidant’ who will listen without judgment. Especially
when dealing with a depressed spouse, you may feel unloved or
hopeless. Having a friend or therapist who you can share your
worries and feelings with will help you remember that it is not the
person or yourself causing this turmoil, it is a medical problem
that must be viewed as temporary and treatable.
Much the same as a broken leg, and even some forms of cancer.
There is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel.
How happy people get ‘That Way’, and You can too.
Are you often overcome with feelings of anxiety and
discouragement because of the daily pressures and obstacles you
face?
Have you sat in ‘wonder’ of how some individuals seem to handle
life's ‘curve balls’ with seeming ease and optimism? Perhaps you've
been frustrated by a friend or family member's ability to see the
best in life, simply because you can't understand where their
'eternal sunshine' comes from.
Don't worry - you're not alone.
Many people find that pressure at work, hectic family routines, and a
lack of energy, take away much of the enjoyment in life they used
to have.
If you've simply forgotten how to look at life in a positive light, or if
you've faced obstacles such as loss of work or illness that have
overshadowed the rest of your life, check out these steps to bring joy
back into your life.
KEEP CONNECTED:
Perhaps in your rush to get everything
done and stay on top of it all, you've
forgotten to stay connected to your
friends and family. Pay them a visit,
even if ‘it’s not your turn’. Or phone
them out of the blue. But if both options
still feel daunting, write a letter, or send
an E-mail.
But whatever else you do, keep up the
contact with those you’ve always liked,
loved, or cared for previously.
Maybe they’ve not contacted you for a
while, and maybe you think they don’t
have time or feelings for you.
This is ‘rarely’ the case.
Almost ‘always’ it’s because they just keep ‘forgetting’ to make the
effort. LIFE has a way of ‘getting in the way’ of LIFE itself.
By making that effort yourself, you’ll not only ‘brighten’ your own
day, you’ll also ‘brighten’ the day of the ones you’re contacting. So
go on, ‘make their day’ today. In fact, why not make a point of
contacting someone different every other day, just to keep the
momentum up. (It truly DOES help).
Even scientific studies have agreed that ‘happy people’ have ‘good
relationships’, so if you're feeling in a RUT, why not call a friend, go
for a coffee, or arrange some down time with your partner, friends
or children? The interaction can give you an energy-boost and help
you set priorities that really bring you joy.
REMIND YOURSELF ABOUT THE GOOD:
It may sound redundant, but taking time to think about what IS
good in your life, can really increase your happiness.
Are you feeling down about something at work, or how you've been
dealing with your kids/friends/partner? Combat those feelings by
consciously thinking about what you've done RIGHT. Because no
matter how low you feel about yourself at ‘This Moment In Time’,
you will have done MANY things right in your life. We ALL have.
Just sit down, start to doodle, and start to write. (It’s Magical).
DOODLE HERE;-
While ‘acknowledging’ where you can improve is very good for you,
beating yourself up about mistakes or unfairness in your life will
only break your spirit.
Only ever remind yourself of ‘the good’ in you.
GET A HOBBY:
Sometimes all we need is a little diversion to bring happiness
back into our life. Challenging yourself and enriching your life
with interests outside of your daily routine can bring back a
’zest’ that may have been missing.
Don’t have a hobby?…. Don’t want a hobby?…..
I know, somehow depression/bi-polar disorder destroys all that
enthusiasm and self interest, so the advice ‘Get a hobby’ seems
ridiculous. BUT, if you can take yourself off to something you
USED to enjoy as a child, or young adult, you might just find
‘the spark’ you’ve been needing. Sometimes, that little switch
in our brain just needs ‘flicking’.
It’s almost impossible to do it ourselves, but outside influences
can often seem to do the impossible.
Don’t force it, but certainly don’t ignore it either.
DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE??:
It's easy to become absorbed with your own problems and
disappointments, but simply looking beyond your immediate
surroundings and seeing where you can help others, can bring great
feelings of satisfaction and joy.
You don't have to do much - holding the door open for someone,
bringing your co-worker a coffee, or picking up groceries for an
elderly neighbour can fuel your 'feel good' chemicals and remind
you that happiness comes from our own attitudes and actions.
It’s like training to do ‘anything’. You start with simple steps, and
you build yourself up to do more and more of whatever you’re
training for, becoming better, and more proficient in the process.
As you get more confident and ‘better’ at helping others, so your
‘feel-good’ factor grows, helping to diminish your depressive
tendencies.
Myths and misconceptions about childhood suicides.
Childhood suicide has been recognized as being the third leading
cause of death among children. Professionals and parents are
opening their eyes in an effort to realise that childhood is not
always the happiest time of ones life.
"Sometimes I just feel like dying, especially when my brother
starts bugging me a lot. I just want to shoot myself" (nine year
old boy).
"I've thought about dying many times before. I think about what
it will be like when I die. My mom committed suicide, maybe I
will too (12 year old boy).
Myths or misconceptions about suicide in children are:
1. Young children do not commit suicide:
Disputed by physicians and psychiatrists, they have concluded
that children may regard themselves with hostility and criticism,
as do their parents, forming a bad image.
2. Suicide is rare in the latency years:
Mortality rates can disprove this myth. Suicide risks increase
with the age of the child, even more rapid from ages 8-14.
3. True depression is not possible in childhood:
Psychoanalysts claim that for most children their fantasies of
being unloved, unwanted and discarded are intensified in
depressed children. Traditionally the belief was that depression
did not occur in children because the super-ego is not
sufficiently distinguished to direct aggression in the self.
4. The finality of death is not fully understood by childhood:
For preschoolers the meaning of death is developed in stages.
First the understanding of irreversibility is developed, followed
by the development of cessation and causality, (which usually
occurs by the age of five - seven years old).
5. Children are not capable, physically or cognitively, of
carrying out a planned suicide successfully:
Methods of suicide require simple and uncomplicated planning,
such as, jumping from heights, poisons, hanging, stabbing,
drowning, running into the street and burning.
Four variables most frequently associated with childhood suicide
attempts are; low self-esteem, depression, family discord and
hopelessness.
These factors can be measured and their relationship to suicide
indicated. Except family discord, in which a child witnesses a low
level of support in ‘family situations’; such as sexual, physical and/or
substance abuse. Separation, divorce, parental suicidal behaviour, and
other family problems, also play their part.
In conclusion, physicians and psychiatrists have disputed and
disproved these myths among childhood suicide.
It is ‘everyone's responsibility’ who comes in contact with children,
to be aware of the ‘possibility of suicide’ among children.
They are, after all, adults in children’s bodies.
You must remember when YOU were young?
How you felt you always knew ‘better’ than those dopey adults?
How you fell in love at an early age, but everyone told you that;
“You couldn’t ‘possibly’ understand what ‘love’ was all about.”
How you always ‘yearned’ to put on those ‘adult’ clothes that
Would make you ‘feel your real age’?
I don’t care who you are, or what you ‘really’ remember.
When you were ‘eight years old’ you felt ‘sixteen’.
Whatever age you are now, maybe thirty, fifty, or seventy eight.
You still feel ‘sixteen’ in your own mind. You just happen to have
an aging body to house it.
Child suicides and child depression are very real. As adults it IS
our responsibility to keep a watchful eye, and to simply ask;
“How are you feeling today”? on a regular basis.
When you love or care for someone who suffers from depression or
‘bipolar disorder’, you may find yourself frustrated, angry or losing
your ability to tolerate their behaviour towards yourself, your
children, or other friends and family.
They are usually either TOO over-friendly, hyper-active and mentally
draining for all around.
Or they are so low they don’t even acknowledge those about them.
Either way it’s very frustrating, especially to close family and friends.
Sadly, while great strides have been made to treat these disorders,
the family and friends coping with sufferers often feel hopeless or
discouraged by their attempts to help, as it is almost always thrown
back into our faces with contempt, or disbelief by the sufferer.
If you are living with, or close to someone who is diagnosed, or
appears to be suffering from depression or bi-polar, you’ll find
the following tips beneficial for helping both the ‘individual’ and
’yourself’ from the terrible ‘demonic’ effects of depression.
IDENTIFY SYMPTOMS
If the person you love has not been diagnosed with depression it
is important for you to analyse their behaviour and act on it. If
the person displays symptoms of depression, they may not realise
it on their own. Depression often causes a person to feel like a
failure and they may blame their lack of interest, energy or
ability to show affection as a personal weakness rather than a
medical problem.
Individuals who have ‘bipolar disorder’
frequently assume that bouts of ’manic’
symptoms can simply mean they have
‘high energy’ rather than a problem
that needs attention. Many sufferers
believe this ‘high energy’ is a true gift,
and look forward to it returning when
the ultimate ‘low’ takes back control.
The ‘manic’ state can often turn a
sufferer into an extremely talented,
imaginative individual with ‘more’
than their fair share of ‘drive’ and
determination. Often achieving great
success with whatever they are
focusing on at the time. Sadly, it
doesn’t last, which makes the inevitable crash back to the ‘low’ even more painful
to bear.
It’s this ‘cycle’ of the symptoms that drives the sufferer to behave in
an even ‘more’ irrational way. Either trying to ‘buy’ back that ‘high’
feeling through ‘retail therapy’. Or feeling their world will never be
‘normal’ again, and will seek out ways to commit suicide.
SEEK TREATMENT
If you feel that your loved one is displaying symptoms of
depression, including an inability to show any interest in activities
that they usually enjoyed, sleeping more or less than usual,
unexplained crying, withdrawing from interactions and talk of
suicide, it is CRUCIAL that they seek medical intervention right
away.
If the individual refuses to seek treatment you may need to
enlist the help of others to speak to them, including anyone they
might respond to - friends, teachers, counsellors.
You should definitely ask your own doctor for help if nobody else
can convince them.
If they talk about suicide, call a suicide emergency help line
immediately.
BE SUPPORTIVE
Probably the most important action you can take, aside from
getting the person medical treatment is to remain non-judgmental
and consistently supportive.
The symptoms of depression can vary in intensity, but their affect
on a relationship is ‘always negative’, even when the sufferer is
being over-friendly or over-affectionate.
A depressed person feels unworthy and weak. This self-depreciation
furthers the depression. Losing the ability to work, communicate or
enjoy life will erode relationships, lead to financial problems and
affect intimacy.
It is important to remember this is not the ‘true nature’ or
’feelings’ of the person suffering from depression. A depressed
person may start arguments out of the blue, or tell you they don't
love you.
Do not believe them or take their comments to heart.
Indulging their grievances will only further the depression.
If the person is being treated for their depression, remind them
that treatment will eventually work and remain positive.
Remind them that this is a ‘medical problem’ and that they are not
To blame. Liken it to having a curable heart problem, or curable
kidney/liver condition. That YES they do have a medical condition,
but that it IS curable with patience, belief, and the correct treatment.
Which may, or may NOT be medical intervention.
Don't push them to do more than they are capable of, and never
suggest that they just "pull themselves together", since that will
lead to more feelings of worthlessness and frustration. The very
thing that a ‘sufferer’ almost certainly CANNOT do by the very
nature of the condition, is to “Pull Themselves Together”.
Regularly inviting the person to go for a walk, enjoy a movie or
other outing, (or simply listening to them talk) can help when the
person feels up to, or able, to do these activities.
KEEP PERSPECTIVE
If you have been through several bouts of depression with the one
you love or care for, remember the episode will eventually end.
If you are having trouble keeping perspective, you might seek out
a support group for friends and family of those suffering from
depression to help you feel connected to others dealing with
similar situations.
Find a ‘confidant’ who will listen without judgment. Especially
when dealing with a depressed spouse, you may feel unloved or
hopeless. Having a friend or therapist who you can share your
worries and feelings with will help you remember that it is not the
person or yourself causing this turmoil, it is a medical problem
that must be viewed as temporary and treatable.
Much the same as a broken leg, and even some forms of cancer.
There is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel.
How happy people get ‘That Way’, and You can too.
Are you often overcome with feelings of anxiety and
discouragement because of the daily pressures and obstacles you
face?
Have you sat in ‘wonder’ of how some individuals seem to handle
life's ‘curve balls’ with seeming ease and optimism? Perhaps you've
been frustrated by a friend or family member's ability to see the
best in life, simply because you can't understand where their
'eternal sunshine' comes from.
Don't worry - you're not alone.
Many people find that pressure at work, hectic family routines, and a
lack of energy, take away much of the enjoyment in life they used
to have.
If you've simply forgotten how to look at life in a positive light, or if
you've faced obstacles such as loss of work or illness that have
overshadowed the rest of your life, check out these steps to bring joy
back into your life.
KEEP CONNECTED:
Perhaps in your rush to get everything
done and stay on top of it all, you've
forgotten to stay connected to your
friends and family. Pay them a visit,
even if ‘it’s not your turn’. Or phone
them out of the blue. But if both options
still feel daunting, write a letter, or send
an E-mail.
But whatever else you do, keep up the
contact with those you’ve always liked,
loved, or cared for previously.
Maybe they’ve not contacted you for a
while, and maybe you think they don’t
have time or feelings for you.
This is ‘rarely’ the case.
Almost ‘always’ it’s because they just keep ‘forgetting’ to make the
effort. LIFE has a way of ‘getting in the way’ of LIFE itself.
By making that effort yourself, you’ll not only ‘brighten’ your own
day, you’ll also ‘brighten’ the day of the ones you’re contacting. So
go on, ‘make their day’ today. In fact, why not make a point of
contacting someone different every other day, just to keep the
momentum up. (It truly DOES help).
Even scientific studies have agreed that ‘happy people’ have ‘good
relationships’, so if you're feeling in a RUT, why not call a friend, go
for a coffee, or arrange some down time with your partner, friends
or children? The interaction can give you an energy-boost and help
you set priorities that really bring you joy.
REMIND YOURSELF ABOUT THE GOOD:
It may sound redundant, but taking time to think about what IS
good in your life, can really increase your happiness.
Are you feeling down about something at work, or how you've been
dealing with your kids/friends/partner? Combat those feelings by
consciously thinking about what you've done RIGHT. Because no
matter how low you feel about yourself at ‘This Moment In Time’,
you will have done MANY things right in your life. We ALL have.
Just sit down, start to doodle, and start to write. (It’s Magical).
DOODLE HERE;-
While ‘acknowledging’ where you can improve is very good for you,
beating yourself up about mistakes or unfairness in your life will
only break your spirit.
Only ever remind yourself of ‘the good’ in you.
GET A HOBBY:
Sometimes all we need is a little diversion to bring happiness
back into our life. Challenging yourself and enriching your life
with interests outside of your daily routine can bring back a
’zest’ that may have been missing.
Don’t have a hobby?…. Don’t want a hobby?…..
I know, somehow depression/bi-polar disorder destroys all that
enthusiasm and self interest, so the advice ‘Get a hobby’ seems
ridiculous. BUT, if you can take yourself off to something you
USED to enjoy as a child, or young adult, you might just find
‘the spark’ you’ve been needing. Sometimes, that little switch
in our brain just needs ‘flicking’.
It’s almost impossible to do it ourselves, but outside influences
can often seem to do the impossible.
Don’t force it, but certainly don’t ignore it either.
DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE??:
It's easy to become absorbed with your own problems and
disappointments, but simply looking beyond your immediate
surroundings and seeing where you can help others, can bring great
feelings of satisfaction and joy.
You don't have to do much - holding the door open for someone,
bringing your co-worker a coffee, or picking up groceries for an
elderly neighbour can fuel your 'feel good' chemicals and remind
you that happiness comes from our own attitudes and actions.
It’s like training to do ‘anything’. You start with simple steps, and
you build yourself up to do more and more of whatever you’re
training for, becoming better, and more proficient in the process.
As you get more confident and ‘better’ at helping others, so your
‘feel-good’ factor grows, helping to diminish your depressive
tendencies.
Myths and misconceptions about childhood suicides.
Childhood suicide has been recognized as being the third leading
cause of death among children. Professionals and parents are
opening their eyes in an effort to realise that childhood is not
always the happiest time of ones life.
"Sometimes I just feel like dying, especially when my brother
starts bugging me a lot. I just want to shoot myself" (nine year
old boy).
"I've thought about dying many times before. I think about what
it will be like when I die. My mom committed suicide, maybe I
will too (12 year old boy).
Myths or misconceptions about suicide in children are:
1. Young children do not commit suicide:
Disputed by physicians and psychiatrists, they have concluded
that children may regard themselves with hostility and criticism,
as do their parents, forming a bad image.
2. Suicide is rare in the latency years:
Mortality rates can disprove this myth. Suicide risks increase
with the age of the child, even more rapid from ages 8-14.
3. True depression is not possible in childhood:
Psychoanalysts claim that for most children their fantasies of
being unloved, unwanted and discarded are intensified in
depressed children. Traditionally the belief was that depression
did not occur in children because the super-ego is not
sufficiently distinguished to direct aggression in the self.
4. The finality of death is not fully understood by childhood:
For preschoolers the meaning of death is developed in stages.
First the understanding of irreversibility is developed, followed
by the development of cessation and causality, (which usually
occurs by the age of five - seven years old).
5. Children are not capable, physically or cognitively, of
carrying out a planned suicide successfully:
Methods of suicide require simple and uncomplicated planning,
such as, jumping from heights, poisons, hanging, stabbing,
drowning, running into the street and burning.
Four variables most frequently associated with childhood suicide
attempts are; low self-esteem, depression, family discord and
hopelessness.
These factors can be measured and their relationship to suicide
indicated. Except family discord, in which a child witnesses a low
level of support in ‘family situations’; such as sexual, physical and/or
substance abuse. Separation, divorce, parental suicidal behaviour, and
other family problems, also play their part.
In conclusion, physicians and psychiatrists have disputed and
disproved these myths among childhood suicide.
It is ‘everyone's responsibility’ who comes in contact with children,
to be aware of the ‘possibility of suicide’ among children.
They are, after all, adults in children’s bodies.
You must remember when YOU were young?
How you felt you always knew ‘better’ than those dopey adults?
How you fell in love at an early age, but everyone told you that;
“You couldn’t ‘possibly’ understand what ‘love’ was all about.”
How you always ‘yearned’ to put on those ‘adult’ clothes that
Would make you ‘feel your real age’?
I don’t care who you are, or what you ‘really’ remember.
When you were ‘eight years old’ you felt ‘sixteen’.
Whatever age you are now, maybe thirty, fifty, or seventy eight.
You still feel ‘sixteen’ in your own mind. You just happen to have
an aging body to house it.
Child suicides and child depression are very real. As adults it IS
our responsibility to keep a watchful eye, and to simply ask;
“How are you feeling today”? on a regular basis.
| Bi-Polar Disorder. Depression. |
| All poems on this site are extracted from; 'Visions Of The Future Past'. First published in 1988 and copyright to; Future Past Publishing. |
